Monday, August 4, 2008
So here I am, trying to adjust to a life I've always known. It feels strangely like I left home in Peru and am in a foreign place now.
Once again, I am totally dependent on God to lead me. If I am to live in Peru, He will open the doors, as He has done every step of the way for the past 6 years.
Friday, July 25, 2008
Whether or not we pay attention to the Peruvians, they pay attention to us. I understood this when, out of the blue, Villa asked me why gringos like 'papas fritas' so much, and then he added, 'with lots of ketchup.' I couldn't offer a reasonable explanation (I could only laugh), but he helped me by saying gringos like french fries the way Peruvians like rice. It is a legitimate comparison. How funny that he would notice such a detail. I wonder what else he and many other Peruvians have noticed but not had the nerve to ask about.
At this point I have said my good-byes and begun the process of getting back to the States. The term 'gut-wrenching' pales in comparison to what I'm feeling. When I had the last of my things packed that are actually coming home with me, I walked into the kitchen to see Villa and Maria sitting outside in my rocking chairs while Ina fussed at the children for something or other. I had taken the time to fix my hair and put on a little make-up (something I rarely do there) and the first thing Villa said was, "en ingles, 'You are beautiful.'" I immediately burst into tears, not because of the sentiment, but because he said it in English then looked away. Maria and Ina cried with me; Villa wouldn't look at me because pools were beginning to collect in his eyes, and the macho in him wouldn't actually let him shed a tear (especially after asking me a few days earlier why women cry so much - another question for which I had no reasonable explanation). Minutes later the four of us and a slew of kids stood on the street corner just outside the Jardin gate saying how much we love each other and promising that the time would go by fast and soon it would be time for me to return.
I wish I could say I was able to collect myself after the motokar pulled away, but I would be lying. Maria insisted on accompanying me to the airport, which only made walking through the security gate that much harder. The whole crowd of people just stared at us - two women sobbing almost hysterically, holding onto each other for dear life. Everything in me wanted to tear up my boarding pass, turn around, get back in the motokar with her, and go straight back to the house. But it was not to be - this time…
The plane took off and I could barely see the jungle through my tears. I was leaving home.
Now, in transit, I want to go back home - not to my house in the States, but to the home I just left. I said in an earlier blog that the fear of moving to Iquitos to live and work was gone - that feeling was reaffirmed through my departure. I left most of my possessions at the Jardin. The only things I am bringing home are clothes. Somehow it creates a tangible connection to know that my personal stuff is still there, waiting for me when I get home again for my brief visit in November. Now I begin the process of praying and waiting for God to open the final doors for my move, as I know all too well that if I try to make things happen in my time rather than His, nothing good will come of it. I pray that He will move me soon.
For now, if I can't be in the jungle, I just want to hurry up and be in S.C. again. And I look forward to hugging and kissing my mom at the end of my journey...
Thursday, July 24, 2008
Nothing says 'gringo' like a group of white people standing on a street corner, looking both helpless and lost, yet not too lost because none of them need look very far to find another individual proudly sporting the exact same t-shirt advertising the love of God for all the Spanish-speaking world to read - in English. Does this mean I truly have become a local? Whatever it means, I couldn't help but chuckle to myself as I traversed the main thoroughfares of Iquitos running errands this morning; that's when I saw them. They stuck out like sore thumbs. Having just read a book on cross-cultural ministry (which I highly recommend in my 'Good Reads' section below) the thought occurred to me that, as Christians, we like to announce our presence, drawing as much attention to ourselves as possible, whether intentional or not. In our culture, t-shirts are cool, especially when they identify us as part of an elite group such as a sorority/fraternity, athletic organization, or, yes, a mission team. I'm certainly not bashing t-shirts, as I have been an avid collector myself in years past, but I am giving voice to a frustration I experience with greater frequency in direct proportion to the amount of time I live here that begs the question, 'Would Jesus wear a t-shirt?' Trite, I know, but valid nonetheless. Please forgive my cynicism - it is my current struggle. Have no fear, God is working it out in me in sometimes very painful ways, lest anyone would think my sarcasm is going unchecked!
Another truth that is becoming more and more apparent is that you can't really get to know people unless you can talk to them. I have been building relationships here for 7 years now and each time I return they are strengthened a little more, not by virtue of the fact that I am here, but because I have a greater ability to communicate than ever before. Learning Spanish and being able to sit down with people and have conversations without the aid of an interpreter has changed the dynamics of every relationship I have here. It has peeled away many layers of surface judgments (on both sides) to reveal the depths of the humanness of us all. For example, I went to Pastor German's house this week for what would be my final visit of the summer. Enith, her 3 daughters, and I all sat around the table laughing and talking about how we need to lose weight and how hard it is to do. At Maria's house for my farewell lunch, her husband excitedly showed me the trophy he'd received the previous weekend for winning a tournament with his, as he called it, 'old men's soccer team,' while her daughter described her agony as a mother whose 11 month old baby will be having surgery in Lima next week because she was born without bowels. At Margarita's house, during my surprise dinner last night, we laughed at her daughter talking about the boy she likes. Later I was fussed at for taking her daughter's side regarding the benefits of sleeping late, which Margarita says is just plain laziness. We take conversations like these for granted at home, because if we don't talk to people there, it's because we don't want to. But when you live in a foreign city with an unfamiliar language, you begin to realize how valuable little chats are to the process of relationship building.
I have relished the moments over this past week that I have been here alone, during which time I've been able to get outside the 'commercial district' (so to speak) of Iquitos and spend more time in the true neighborhoods, observing families going about their everyday lives. I have seen families all sitting down together at the dinner table, parents disciplining their children, little ones arguing over whose turn it is in a game of marbles on the sidewalk, and adults sitting in their rocking chairs enjoying the company of neighbors. I am eternally grateful for these opportunities, because they have been invitations into real life here, not just the practiced scenes acted out for groups of gringos (and, yes, as much as we like to think otherwise, during the one week per year that our mission teams are here, what they see are carefully rehearsed scripts which allow us, in some ways, to see what we want to see rather than what is real). But these are all things that one can't possibly begin to understand without coming here to live, minus the clock-breaking, arduous schedule the mission teams are on.
My light skin, blonde hair, and blue eyes belie the fact that I am not a native of Peru - I have no need of duplicated garments to announce my presence. And I don't ever want to yearn for or need an audience in a church to share my knowledge of and love for my Savior; I hope the simplest of my everyday words and actions indicate that my true home is not of this world. Nathan exemplifies this in his Peruvian legacy. During the course of his time as an intern here, he had a conversation with Villa and a few others in which they tried to convince him that it is acceptable to have girlfriends in addition to his wife. Without being the least bit judgmental, Nathan explained to them that he loves only one woman that way - his wife - and he is committed to her because he believes that is what God wants. It was a quick conversation with high impact; Villa has not stopped talking about it. I cannot count the number of times he has said to me, "Nathan really loves his wife." I've tried to follow that up by saying he should imitate Nathan and love his own wife to that degree. Whether he hears me or not, because I am a woman after all and naturally I would say that, he definitely heard Nathan. There was no t-shirt, no announcement that he was the gringo here to teach the ways of God to the unsuspecting locals, no showy church service - there was simply a conversation between two men in which one man set the example for the other in a non-condemning, yet convicting way. Nathan has taught me more than he realizes.
Certainly I have gained greater acceptance from the locals, because time, language, and a shared love for the culture is making me one of them. The gringo groups, however, who come here now as part of the Amazon Mission Fellowship are slowly beginning to reap the same benefits. I have watched returning individuals from all over South Carolina, West Virginia, Missouri, and Pennsylvania being embraced more openly this summer in their respective sister churches, because they are no longer participants in the 'get in, build something, get out' school of missions. Instead, they are choosing the messier, more difficult way; they are getting involved in the lives of those they seek to serve and by whom they are served. The road they are traveling now will absolutely have some rough spots - maybe more rough than smooth lengths - but aren't those stretches of unpaved, muddy, hole-laden road the ones that really teach us who we are, who those we live and work with are, and ultimately, most importantly, who God is?
Sunday, July 20, 2008
That Wednesday the entire city shut down - no motokars were running, no businesses were open, the whole city was frozen - we were in the midst of a strike. The Saxe-Gotha ladies, Nathan, and I had hoped to continue working in the Iquitos church in spite of the strike, but as it turned out the morning was rainy, and when it is raining, there might as well be a strike, because most Peruvians aren't going anywhere. So the group spent the morning relaxing in their hotel until lunch time when Nathan and I walked to the hotel to get them. The streets were littered with shattered glass and other debris used for road blocks to keep any renegade motokar and motorcycle drivers from being able to get through; bonfires were also built in the middle of some of the streets as the people of Peru used the strike to air their grievances against the Peruvian federal government. Being the honorable people that they are, Ina, Maria, and Villa walked great distances to and from their homes that day to make sure we gringos were taken care of; I wonder how many of us would do the same…
Saturday, July 12 brought my Westminster mission team to town. What a treat to see those familiar faces emerge from the airport. Thus began a very busy week. Daily trips to Santa Clara included some incredible team devotion time, lead by Paul each morning, helping paint the church's exterior and windows, beginning an addition to the pastor's home which will house a screened-in kitchen and dining room for feeding the congregation, Bible school, playing with the children, nature walks, classes on being Presbyterian, and another round of spiritually stirring evening devotions. It was a perfect week - until Friday. At 7:15 a.m. I was standing at the hotel desk paying the final bill of the mission season, preparing to take my home team to the airport. This has been the year for flight problems, and today would be no different. I stepped out of my motokar only to be told that the 1:30 p.m. flight had been cancelled. Alice and I stood in line for what seemed like an eternity to get the group rebooked on the 6:10 p.m. flight to Lima so they could still make their connection to the U.S. at midnight. With a stack of passports and newly issued boarding passes in my hand, I lead my crew back to El Jardin for a luggage deposit and walk back to the Plaza de Armas for some lunch at the Antica Pizzeria. Shortly after 5 p.m. I kissed, hugged, and waved good-bye to my WPC team. Exhausted, I threw myself into one more motokar, nearly falling asleep on the ride home.
The weight of five consecutive weeks of mission teams descended on me; I was beyond thankful to go to bed that night without first setting my alarm for 6 a.m. I woke up just before 9 a.m. Saturday morning with the incredible feeling of being rested - a feeling I haven't had since I left home on June 9. After a bowl of the Peruvian version of Cocoa Puffs for breakfast, I sat down at my computer to catch up on the accounting that had piled up on my desk over the course of the past week. Ina and Maria arrived and began the unenviable chore of degreasing the kitchen and the gas grill after more than a month of continuous use. What happened next caught me completely off-guard
With my spread sheets as complete as they could be for the moment, I decided to get ahead in the packing process so the coming week wouldn't be so hectic, but as I pulled the suitcase out of storage, the flood gates opened and I collapsed onto my bedroom floor sobbing inconsolably. When I could breathe enough to talk, I called my mom, but by the time she answered I was crying so hard again that she couldn't understand a word I was saying. I blabbered to her for a few minutes and thought I had gotten myself together, but when I walked outside to pay Ina and Maria for the final time this summer I fell apart again. Being the true, considerate women that they are, they cried with me, assuring me that as long as they were alive I would always have someone to take care of me here, that they would count the days until I got back in November, and that they would be praying for the day when I didn't have to leave anymore.
Now, don't get me wrong, I knew leaving was going to be emotional; however, I did not expect the emotion to kick in until closer to my departure time. I think it is probably best if I bring this blog post to an end for now, because I really need to sleep tonight without being a congested, snotty mess, which will be the case sooner than later if I continue talking about this right now. (Photo - Tammy, or Tamicita as I call her, my Peruvian pup, napping outside the kitchen door)
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
The Westminster crowd heads home on Friday afternoon, so soon I'll have more time to think, reflect, and write. There is a sadness to their leaving - not that they are leaving, though I will miss them; but, their departure is a warning bell that my time here is almost up.
Hopefully those of you who have become blog addicts will forgive me for taking so long to post again - but hang on, help is on the way this weekend!
Hasta el fin de la semana...
Monday, July 7, 2008
Saturday, July 5 - 5:30 a.m. I am supposed to already be on a motokar headed to the airport with the departing group to get them on their flight. Instead, I sit straight up in my bed upon hearing Nathan knocking, telling me to wake up. I won't tell you exactly what I muttered to myself when, through the fog of interrupted dreams, it registered with me that I had overslept. Not to worry, though. Nathan had already put the five people staying here at the Jardin on motokars and was headed to the hotel to get the others. I threw on some clothes, swished a little Listerine around in my mouth in an attempt to kill the worst part of my morning breath, spit it out on the ground as I went out the gate, and off to the airport I went.
Here is what was 'supposed' to happen: Nathan and I would drop off one group (wait for them to get their boarding passes and say our good-byes), then run outside to pick up the incoming group. We would deposit the 'newbies' at the hotel until lunch time and return to the Jardin for a little morning siesta ourselves.
Here is what 'actually' happened: The Huntington, WV group checked their luggage, received their boarding passes, and bid us farewell. Nathan and I watched them pass through the security gate. We went outside, awaiting the arrival of the Saxe-Gotha group from Columbia, SC (they were disembarking the plane the others were to return to Lima on). We heard the plane approaching, then we saw it pull up, circle around, and disappear; it was too foggy to land. Immediately we go back inside the airport to retrieve the group to whom we said 'adios' only moments earlier. After standing in line for what seemed like an eternity, we learned that they had been rebooked on the 9 p.m. flight. WHAT??? Tired and frustrated, we picked up their luggage, put them all on motokars, and headed back to the Jardin. All the while my anxiety level is escalating because I am worried for the four people who were supposed to get off the plane that never landed. None of them have been to Peru before and I panicked for them, hoping they would just follow the crowd once they were back in Lima, get rebooked, and make the best of an uncontrollable situation.
Meanwhile, no one has eaten breakfast and it is nearly 9:30 a.m. at this point. So most of the group headed out to a restaurant for brunch, while others opted for more sleep in any space deemed suitable for propping up at the Jardin. Ina and I began stripping the beds, collecting dirty towels, sweeping, mopping, and cleaning bathrooms. There were a million things to do and I was trying to figure out how to accomplish it all with 13 unanticipated people underfoot. Nathan and I went to the Lan Airlines office to find out what flight our Saxe-Gotha group was rescheduled on, I swung by the restaurant to pay the bill, and returned to the house to continue the day's work. Ashley, the Huntington group's translator, went back to the airport just prior to the 1 p.m. flight to try to bargain their way onto the outgoing plane. She was successful in getting one person on it. At 4:30, the rest of us return to the airport. Ashley is still bargaining and manages to get five more people on the 6 p.m. flight, leaving seven of them still here. Bill, their trip leader has my cell phone and is talking to every known American Airlines and Travelocity representative on the planet trying to get the seven of them rebooked, because they are going to miss their flight from Lima to the U.S. Nathan and I stand outside waiting for our S.C. group - only two of them emerge from the airport. As it would happen, the other two managed to get on an earlier flight, unbeknownst to us, and are already at the hotel. Nathan rides the van with the two S.C. ladies, and I stay at the airport with the final Huntington seven until it is time for them to board the plane, after which I race to the restaurant where Nathan has taken the current group for dinner. It is 9:17 p.m. After dinner, we get Tammy, Julie, Sylvia, and Ken settled for the evening, and Nathan and I finally head home. Nathan isn't feeling well, so he loads himself up with cold medicine and goes to bed. As a means of releasing some of the tension and anxiety of the day, I do a little more house cleaning, since I'm still too wound up to go to bed. The one thing I can say for the Huntington group is that they were troopers; in spite of their plans being totally interrupted, they endured the day and the constantly changing travel arrangements with grace and patience. If I had to be in limbo with anyone, I couldn't have asked for a better bunch.
Just minutes after 11 p.m. I am sitting on the edge of my bed, setting my alarm clock, when my cell phone rings. Margarita is on the other end and she is frantic. She is around the block at the Fanning house (one of our rental properties) and tells me I need to come immediately. With no time to get out of my pajamas and into regular clothes, I step into my flip-flops, grab my keys, and out the gate I go, traipsing into the middle of the raucous crowd of teenagers who hang out on the corner every night, drinking at the bodega across the street, hoping none of them decides to accost me. I round the corner past the church and see two large tree branches lying on the sidewalk. As I get closer, I can see enormous scrape marks down the front of the building and the sidewalk is further littered with chunks of stucco. As it would happen, a 15 year old kid (most likely drunk) lost control of his car and plowed into the front door of our rental property. Margarita and I stand there and talk with Mr. Meza before hopping a motokar to the police station where they've already impounded the wrecked car and arrested the driver. Let me tell you, now THAT'S an interesting place to be at midnight on a Saturday night! As for the Fanning house - I'll have to let you know after a trip to the lawyer's office.
The clock glows 1:12 a.m. as my head hits the pillow. I start laughing as I think back over the day that was doomed from the beginning. Three trips to the airport, two different groups in limbo, and a car through the front door. That's when it happened - I heard a voice speaking. In my head? Out loud? In my spirit? I don't know for sure, but it was an audible voice and I recognized it, because I've heard it before - always at major turning points in my life since I decided to follow Jesus. Two simple words were all I heard: "It's time." I've known for six years now that the Lord was calling me to serve here. When I've allowed myself to actually think about living in another country, I've become frozen with fear. Other missionaries I've talked to have always told me not to worry, because when the time was right - the Lord's time, that is - I would know and I would no longer be afraid. They were right. I still don't know the exact time table for when I will quit teaching and come to live here; it may be as soon as next summer. But the fear is gone, and I know that with the Lord's help, nothing is impossible. How ironic that my moment of clarity came at the end of a day of uncertainty, full of events that were completely and totally outside my realm of control.
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
I know I sound like a broken record, and at the risk of repeating myself for the millionth time, there is no doubt that the Spirit was moving all over the screened porch of El Jardin at that moment. Unless you've been here and heard it and felt it yourself, I cannot possibly describe to you what it is like to hear these songs. It is a moment when the hair on the back of your neck stands up (much akin to a territorial dog about to strike, only without the malice), goose bumps cover your entire body, tears well up in your eyes even though you don't have the slightest urge to cry, and all you can do is close your eyes, lift your hands, and barely mumble, "Thank you, God." Romans 8:26 says, "We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express." Thus the line, "then sings my soul."
My soul sang again Monday when I was honored with an invitation to little Maria's birthday party. Ina, her mother, has worked with the gringo groups here for years. Ina is a very quiet, reserved woman who is not just punctual, but shows up at the Jardin at least 10 minutes early every morning. She is a hard worker, doing whatever is asked of her, and frequently going the extra mile without being asked to do so. I've worked with Ina for several years now and have always made it a point to say 'thank you' daily, as this mission surely would suffer without her, and I've tried occasionally to chat with her, showing interest in her as a person, not just someone who comes to work here. I've never really felt like I was making any progress …until now. I was sitting at the kitchen table with my computer, entering info from a pile of receipts into the appropriate spreadsheets, when she almost whispered my name. I looked up to see the color flooding her face, working its way from her neck to her scalp, and, as she blushed as though she were ashamed to be making a request of me, she invited me to share in the celebration of her daughter's birthday with her and her family. I accepted the invitation and she told me she would return at 4:00 to pick me up. I continued my day with yet another enormous lump lodged in my throat, because I understood that this private woman thought enough of me to invite me into her world.
Like a bolt of lightning, it struck me that she had been so timid when inviting me because she was afraid I would say no. In spite of her fear, this sweet, kind, gentle woman (who has no idea how much I respect her) invited me anyway. Isn't that what God calls us to do as Christians? To invite others to know Him; to risk rejection; to forget about ourselves and take a chance on someone else for a change; to get out of our boxes and to release Him from the one we've placed Him in. Oh, that we would all be more like Ina.
(Photo - Ina with her Great-Niece, Samantha)
I saw God today...
Saturday, June 28, 2008
Everyone loves a prankster, right? Well, everyone loves being a prankster. Last Tuesday night I was unable to go to sleep, so I sat up working on what I hope will eventually take the form of a novel. I finally turned my computer off around 1:30 a.m. I had just settled into a deep sleep when an alarm went off. Immediately I began slapping at my clock, whose illuminated numbers read 3:45, trying to shut the obnoxious noise off, but I soon realized it wasn't my clock. Instead, it was the clock Todd left with me when he headed back to the States Tuesday afternoon. And here I thought he was being generous, but I should have known that his parting gift was literally a ticking bomb.
On Thursday, Maria Helmi, director of the SCOTA school for handicapped children, invited me, Tom and Terri Sheaffer, and Stewart Garrett to have lunch with her and the teachers from two of the SCOTA schools in town. We were treated to some local cuisine - soup made from chicken broth and cornmeal with a chicken leg floating in the middle alongside a piece of yucca, fried rice, and another interesting looking dish. The soup and fried rice were delicious; I must confess I declined to try the other dish and was later glad I had opted out once I found out that it was actually pieces of gizzard with some spices in it. They weren't in the least offended that I wouldn't eat this delicacy because my upturned nose meant more for them. What impressed me more than the food was the camaraderie among the teachers. They thoroughly enjoyed each other's company and chatted incessantly throughout the meal, laughing often. It was an occasion to celebrate the teachers having birthdays in June. Tom, Terri, and Stewart were honored for the work they have done for SCOTA, including repairing the children's playground, updating the computer lab, and teaching English classes. The SCOTA teachers and students alike have a great love for these three, and well they should. At one point during lunch I turned to Terri and said, "Now this is real life. We are being blessed to witness life as they know it every day." What an awesome opportunity to see people coming together for the common good; I can't help but wish we gringos interacted with our co-workers in the same way.
El Jardin - Front Gate
My Aunt Terri emailed me earlier in the week asking for pictures of where I live while I am here. She said she had a mental image of this 'El Jardin' place she's heard about so much and would like to see if imagination and reality match. So, I've included a few photos for those who've never been here before. Notice in the first snapshot above that I brought a signature South Carolina flag with me - there's nothing like the palmetto tree and crescent moon flapping in the breeze more than 3000 miles away from home.
Monday, June 23, 2008
Todd had arrived Friday morning at 6:30 a.m. and we hit the ground running, buying new, necessary furniture for the Jardin and running a million other errands. Between the two of us, we were spending money 'muy rapido.' Our latest group landed at 6:30 Saturday morning, keeping me and Nathan hopping for about 18 hours that day. On Sunday, my day began around 5:30 a.m. when I woke up, panicking, because I had a stack of receipts from the previous two days that I had not yet entered into my computer. I'm very conscious of maintaining detailed, accurate spreadsheets for every sole I spend - both Todd and Francis have placed a great deal of trust in me to handle the money as I see fit and I want to be worthy of that trust and be a good steward. So, by 6:00 a.m. I was sitting at the kitchen table, entering data into Microsoft Excel (my greatest discovery in the past few weeks). At 7:00 a.m., enter Ina to cook breakfast for us all; at 7:30, enter Villa to help get two boat loads of us ready to go to Tamshiyacu for the morning; at 8:00, enter everyone in the house to eat breakfast; by 8:15, at least 6 people (3 of them speaking Spanish) were calling my name, wanting something from me.
I used the hour long boat ride to Tamshiyacu to try to get my brain settled and get the day's schedule set in my head, but that only lasted until the boat pulled into the port. The remainder of the day was beyond hectic, with more issues and questions than I felt like I could answer. Around 5:00 on Sunday afternoon, I made it to my room to lay down and cry. As the hot tears of frustration leaked from my eyes, burning my face before they splashed onto my pillow, it occurred to me that in the busyness of the weekend, I had not taken time to be with God and I was trying to handle everything on my own. While my Spanish has been amazing, and my adaptation to the culture even better this year, I am still a stranger in a foreign land trying to make a fledgling missions organization work. I cannot do it by myself. I cannot do it with the help of my AMF board and all the sister churches the U.S. can offer. We can only accomplish what needs to be done through God. So I prayed...
As the peace and calm washed over me, I was reminded of the fact that Jesus, Himself, had to withdraw from the crowds to be with God. He, too, got overwhelmed with everyone wanting something from Him, calling His name constantly. If He needed to be alone with God, how much more, then, do I need to.
Ina and her sister served us a delicious, home-cooked meal of grilled chicken, mashed potatoes, and green beans (all Peruvian style, of course) for dinner last night. When they departed the Jardin for the evening, I packed the cooler for today, and headed to the shower at last. A shower never feels as good as when you've been sweating all day and have grime at least an inch thick on you, sticky skin and all.
Sporting a sopping wet head and clean pajamas, I sat down with Todd to add a few hands to our 4 night gin rummy marathon (Jessica, if you're reading this, unfortunately I've only been in the lead for one of the three nights so far - if he manages to finish me off tonight, we must team up for a grudge match when I get home and down to Charleston for a visit - all that matters is that Todd loses!).
By 10:00 p.m., everyone was in bed, and a storm rolled through. In the dark, I took my pillow to the screened porch, and laid on the couch under the ceiling fan. The rain beat down on the Jardin trees, while lightning flashed in the distance, followed shortly by almost muted rolls of thunder. I thought back to the song that played on my iPod while I showered earlier and discovered the words held all the truth I needed to release the anxiety and frustration of my day.
"Whenever I call you're there, Redeemer and Friend
Cherished beyond all words, this love never ends
Morning by morning, Your mercy awakens my soul
I lift up my eyes to see, the wonders of heaven
Opening over me, Your goodness abounds
Taking my breath away with Your irresistable love."
(from Irresistable by Hillsong Australia)
Until the next time I try to do it all on my own...
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Regarding another lucky find, on one of my trips to the mercado, I discovered chocolate pudding mix. Of course, my spoiled self is used to the instant kind, so I was taking a big risk in buying the kind that must be cooked. After making my beloved sweet tea, I sang out loud while dancing in front of the stove ¨constantly stirring¨my pan of chocolate powder mixed with milk. Having never cooked on a gas stove before I was sure I would probably scorch the pudding, but it actually tasted really good for dessert last night.
Nathan and I made the trek to the airport at 5:30 this morning to put Jim and Robert, our two man team from First Presbyterian, Sumter, SC, on a plane back to the States. We have been running errands all morning and have a lot to accomplish today in getting ready for the next group to arrive Saturday morning.
I know some of you have tried to post comments and have had some difficulty. You can still certainly email me at email@example.com at any time as well. Thanks to all of you who have posted comments and/or sent emails already. It is nice to hear from home.
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Ina and I went to the Belén market to buy fresh fish, vegetables, and rice to cook for dinner. When we arrived at the market the crowd was dense and almost moving in unison. As we allowed ourselves to be swept along with the rest of the people, in every direction, as far as I could see, vendors basically accosted shoppers, desperately trying to make a sale. The good fortune of one is the misfortune of another. Suddenly I felt the urge to make our trip more complicated and only buy one item per vendor. I bought broccoli from one, corn from another, rice from yet another, pineapple from still another, and so on, spreading the wealth, so to speak. As we walked through the butchering area, the nauseating smell of recently slaughtered animals being cut into pieces for sale permeated the air. Dozens of dogs wandered the aisles, anticipating a meal of left over parts tossed to the floor - they ate hungrily. I thought of how insulated I am from scenes such as this. The nice, clean meat market at Bi-Lo makes it easy for me to make my selections without the discomfort of seeing firsthand how that meat came to be there in the first place. Fortunately we moved quickly to the fish market, which, at least for me, is much easier on the eyes and stomach.
Being the dog person that I am, the meringue on my humble pie this morning was the sight of a dog lying on the sidewalk on the way back to the house. The dog was so mangey that it had only patches of whiskers for hair, and its skin was scaly and raw from where it had bitten itself repeatedly. At that point the lump in my throat was so big that I didn´t think I could choke it back long enough for Ina and me to get back in the house so I could get to my room, close the door, and cry privately.
I have become hardened to such scenes over the past few years, but today God decided it was time to view life through the same eyes I had the first time I came here six years ago. I felt shame for my oblivion. It raises the unanswerable question once again, why did God allow me to be born into a middle class, white, North American family while these people were sentenced to life here?
The only thing I know for sure is that God is good. Beyond that, I have a lot of questions...
Sunday, June 15, 2008
In the weeks prior to coming to Peru this summer, the thing that God repeatedly impressed upon my heart was how often I pen Him up; I put Him in a box and tell Him to stay there, and when I need Him I´ll open up the box a little and let Him come out just enough to help me with whatever trouble I´m having at the time, after which I expect Him to sit quietly until another need arises. I prepared for this trip knowing that God was telling me to let Him out of the box and allow Him to be as big as He really is.
I have found myself laughing out loud several times a day during the week that I have been here, because God is showing me repeatedly that He is larger than I can imagine or hope for. Take my knowledge of Spanish, for example. I was very nervous about being here without anyone else who speaks the language to help me, but I´ve known from the beginning that I was truly on my own this time. Now, in years past I have talked about moments of possessing supernatural Spanish, but this time is different - it is not just supernatural, it is downright miraculous. I have become a sponge, soaking up vocabulary and sentence structure and verb tenses. Each time I finish a conversation (not a sentence, but an entire conversation) with Villa or Ina, I burst into laughter knowing that it was not me who just spoke; it was a tangible expression of God unleashed.
Those of you who were children/teenagers of the 80´s will be interested to know that Rod Stewart´s Young Turks is playing right now in the internet cafe. Man does this song bring back memories!
To all of you dads out there who are reading, Feliz Dia Papá! I wished my dad a Happy Father´s Day earlier in the week because I was pretty sure I would not have the chance to call home today.
I am not the least bit homesick; in fact, I´ve never felt more at home here. Nevertheless, I had my first cry last night after I talked with my brother, Brad, and my surrogate child, Collins on the phone. It´s not that I wanted to be in the States with them as much as I wished they were here with me. It is a strange range of emotions that I am experiencing. The only thing I know for sure is that, while I will be ready to come home at the end of July, leaving here is going to be excruciatingly painful.
The duo that is here this week from First Presbyterian, Sumter, SC will begin construction on a new roof for the church in Quistococha tomorrow. They have been delightful to host and very easy to accomodate.
Nathan has stepped into the role of intern like he was born for it. He and I were meant to work together. We share a love for Iquitos and the Peruvian people, and we are both motivated to see AMF get on its feet and be a meaninful ministry.
I´m trying so hard not to laugh out loud right now because the guy sitting next to me is actually singing, in English, Hall & Oates´80´s song Maneater. How funny...
For now I must go. Afterall, it is Sunday afternoon, and I firmly believe in ´siestas todos los domingos!´
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Meanwhile, Villa, Ina, and I continue to work our hineys off getting ready for the groups to arrive. Ina and I have scrubbed every square inch of the Jardin house - we are considering signing a commercial deal for Pine-Sol - and Villa is replacing light bulbs, copying keys, fixing the water pump, and making other necessary repairs.
It is an exciting time. I wasn´t sure I would be ok even for a few days here all by myself, but in spite of the busyness of my days I have been very peaceful. Of course it doesn´t hurt that I brought along speakers for my iPod so I have music blasting throughout the house while I am working. Nothing beats a good mix of clean rap songs accompanied by the Bee Gees and some praise and worship music. Villa and Ina don´t say anything, but it might be interesting to hear what they are thinking of my choice of tunes.
For now it´s off to the market to get some fruit to go with my sandwich for lunch.
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
I look forward to my arrival at El Jardin; I always feel like I'm home when I get there. I also look forward to crashing for a few hours of solid sleep.
Gratefulness is what I feel when I think about all the precious people who support me in this mission. Thank you for your continuous prayers, for the many e-mails and blog comments I will receive throughout the summer, and for the smiling faces I will see when I arrive home in August.
Monday, June 2, 2008
- The Bible
- Serving with Eyes Wide Open - Doing Short Term Missions with Cultural Intelligence - David A. Livermore
- Cross-Cultural Servanthood - Serving the World in Christlike Humility - Duane Elmer
- Toxic Charity: How Churches and Charities Hurt Those They Help (And How to Reverse It) - Robert D. Lupton
- When Helping Hurts-Alleviating Poverty Without Hurting the Poor...and Yourself - Steve Corbett and Brian Fikkert
- Shadow of the Almighty - Elizabeth Elliot
- Messy Spirituality - Michael Yaconelli
- The Irresistible Revolution - Shane Claiborne
- Peace Child - Don Richardson
- If God Should Choose - Kristen Stagg
- In the Presence of My Enemies - Gracia Burnham
- Inside Afghanistan - John Weaver
- Same Kind of Different as Me - Ron Hall and Denver Moore
- Through Gates of Splendor - Elizabeth Elliot
- End of the Spear - Steve Saint