Overwhelmed

Sunday was almost too much for me.

Todd had arrived Friday morning at 6:30 a.m. and we hit the ground running, buying new, necessary furniture for the Jardin and running a million other errands. Between the two of us, we were spending money 'muy rapido.' Our latest group landed at 6:30 Saturday morning, keeping me and Nathan hopping for about 18 hours that day. On Sunday, my day began around 5:30 a.m. when I woke up, panicking, because I had a stack of receipts from the previous two days that I had not yet entered into my computer. I'm very conscious of maintaining detailed, accurate spreadsheets for every sole I spend - both Todd and Francis have placed a great deal of trust in me to handle the money as I see fit and I want to be worthy of that trust and be a good steward. So, by 6:00 a.m. I was sitting at the kitchen table, entering data into Microsoft Excel (my greatest discovery in the past few weeks). At 7:00 a.m., enter Ina to cook breakfast for us all; at 7:30, enter Villa to help get two boat loads of us ready to go to Tamshiyacu for the morning; at 8:00, enter everyone in the house to eat breakfast; by 8:15, at least 6 people (3 of them speaking Spanish) were calling my name, wanting something from me.

I used the hour long boat ride to Tamshiyacu to try to get my brain settled and get the day's schedule set in my head, but that only lasted until the boat pulled into the port. The remainder of the day was beyond hectic, with more issues and questions than I felt like I could answer. Around 5:00 on Sunday afternoon, I made it to my room to lay down and cry. As the hot tears of frustration leaked from my eyes, burning my face before they splashed onto my pillow, it occurred to me that in the busyness of the weekend, I had not taken time to be with God and I was trying to handle everything on my own. While my Spanish has been amazing, and my adaptation to the culture even better this year, I am still a stranger in a foreign land trying to make a fledgling missions organization work. I cannot do it by myself. I cannot do it with the help of my AMF board and all the sister churches the U.S. can offer. We can only accomplish what needs to be done through God. So I prayed...

As the peace and calm washed over me, I was reminded of the fact that Jesus, Himself, had to withdraw from the crowds to be with God. He, too, got overwhelmed with everyone wanting something from Him, calling His name constantly. If He needed to be alone with God, how much more, then, do I need to.

Ina and her sister served us a delicious, home-cooked meal of grilled chicken, mashed potatoes, and green beans (all Peruvian style, of course) for dinner last night. When they departed the Jardin for the evening, I packed the cooler for today, and headed to the shower at last. A shower never feels as good as when you've been sweating all day and have grime at least an inch thick on you, sticky skin and all.

Sporting a sopping wet head and clean pajamas, I sat down with Todd to add a few hands to our 4 night gin rummy marathon (Jessica, if you're reading this, unfortunately I've only been in the lead for one of the three nights so far - if he manages to finish me off tonight, we must team up for a grudge match when I get home and down to Charleston for a visit - all that matters is that Todd loses!).

By 10:00 p.m., everyone was in bed, and a storm rolled through. In the dark, I took my pillow to the screened porch, and laid on the couch under the ceiling fan. The rain beat down on the Jardin trees, while lightning flashed in the distance, followed shortly by almost muted rolls of thunder. I thought back to the song that played on my iPod while I showered earlier and discovered the words held all the truth I needed to release the anxiety and frustration of my day.

"Whenever I call you're there, Redeemer and Friend
Cherished beyond all words, this love never ends
Morning by morning, Your mercy awakens my soul
I lift up my eyes to see, the wonders of heaven
Opening over me, Your goodness abounds
Taking my breath away with Your irresistable love."
(from Irresistable by Hillsong Australia)

Until the next time I try to do it all on my own...