When you live here for an extended time, you begin to become oblivious to, even irritated with the lifestyles and the all consuming poverty of the people. I have been guilty of this; God worked on that this morning.
Ina and I went to the Belén market to buy fresh fish, vegetables, and rice to cook for dinner. When we arrived at the market the crowd was dense and almost moving in unison. As we allowed ourselves to be swept along with the rest of the people, in every direction, as far as I could see, vendors basically accosted shoppers, desperately trying to make a sale. The good fortune of one is the misfortune of another. Suddenly I felt the urge to make our trip more complicated and only buy one item per vendor. I bought broccoli from one, corn from another, rice from yet another, pineapple from still another, and so on, spreading the wealth, so to speak. As we walked through the butchering area, the nauseating smell of recently slaughtered animals being cut into pieces for sale permeated the air. Dozens of dogs wandered the aisles, anticipating a meal of left over parts tossed to the floor - they ate hungrily. I thought of how insulated I am from scenes such as this. The nice, clean meat market at Bi-Lo makes it easy for me to make my selections without the discomfort of seeing firsthand how that meat came to be there in the first place. Fortunately we moved quickly to the fish market, which, at least for me, is much easier on the eyes and stomach.
Being the dog person that I am, the meringue on my humble pie this morning was the sight of a dog lying on the sidewalk on the way back to the house. The dog was so mangey that it had only patches of whiskers for hair, and its skin was scaly and raw from where it had bitten itself repeatedly. At that point the lump in my throat was so big that I didn´t think I could choke it back long enough for Ina and me to get back in the house so I could get to my room, close the door, and cry privately.
I have become hardened to such scenes over the past few years, but today God decided it was time to view life through the same eyes I had the first time I came here six years ago. I felt shame for my oblivion. It raises the unanswerable question once again, why did God allow me to be born into a middle class, white, North American family while these people were sentenced to life here?
The only thing I know for sure is that God is good. Beyond that, I have a lot of questions...
Hang in there girlfriend...perhaps God allows situations such as these to serve as examples to us all, "Except for the grace of God there go I". God is the ultimate where efficiency is concerned. In your perspective, you are there to bring the truth and hope of the Gospel to those people. Those people however, whether or not they recognize Him, were breathed into being by our God and so in true "waste-nothing" , Godly fashion, our God is ministering to YOU through this culture, the people, the sights and sounds. Soak it all in Pam and bring it home to us....for we are starving too......for HIM. Your work there is as important to us here as it is to them there....maybe more so.
ReplyDeleteLove you so much and miss you!
Lori